During one’s time at school, they are likely to have noticed that not everyone responded in the same way when it came to being told off by a teacher. There may have been people who just generally shrugged when this happened, while there may have been others who typically lost control.
A Clear Difference
It would then have seemed as though some people had the ability to control themselves and other people didn’t. But even though some people didn’t exercise self-control, one could put this down to their age.
Therefore, as the years went by, there would have been no reason for them to continue to behave in this manner. One could get in touch with a few people who behaved in this manner while they were at school and find that they are no longer the same.
Alternatively, they may find that some of these people are no different, with them being just as reactive as they were all those years ago. This would show that self-control is not something that simply develops by itself; it is something that needs to be developed.
However, one won’t need to go back to what it was like whilst they were at school in order to think about someone like this. The only thing that they will need to do is to think about how some people behave on social media.
One could think about what they have seen online over the years, and a number of examples could come to mind. In this case, what some people saw online and offline would have had a big effect on them.
In addition to this, one may have come into contact with a number of people in the real who responded in a similar manner. This could be because of what they saw online or it could relate to what happened in their day-to-day life.
In just about all of these instances, something fairly trivial may have been enough to set them off. It might have seemed as though these people were being controlled by their own emotions.
Thus, even though they would have been autonomous human beings, they wouldn’t have had the ability to manage what was taking place within them. Instead, the person or thing that offended them would have been in control of them.
A Positive Experience
It would then be easy to say that when someone has the tendency to be offended, they are just wasting their energy and not getting anything out of it, but that wouldn’t be completely accurate. By reacting in this way, someone can be energised by their anger and feel as though they have the moral high ground.
A big part of this comes down to the fact behaving in this way is often seen as normal and how someone should behave when they don’t agree with something. There is then going to be no reason for them to look into why they feel as they do, as someone else will have ‘made them’ feel this way.
Socially Acceptable Behaviour
There is then going to be no need for them to take responsibility for how they feel; someone else will be to blame. And if other people are in control of how they feel, it is going to mean that they are victims.
Due to this, they could believe that life is made up of people who oppress others and people who are oppressed. It is then going to be irrelevant that life is not this black and white, as what they believe will define how they experience life.
If someone was just an observer of life, it wouldn’t matter what they believe. Yet, as this is not possible, they will continue to experience life in this way unless they change what they believe.
So, for as long as one continues to believe that other people are in complete control of how they feel, they will be no need for them to take a step back and to look into why they are so reactive. What is going on internally will have taken over and this will define how they perceive what is taking place externally.
A New Approach
Even so, let’s say that someone like this was to take the time to reflect on why they are so reactive, and this caused them to look into what is going on; they may find that they are too attached to what is taking place within them. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are completely identified with their ego, with this being the reason why it is so easy for others to press their buttons.
The part of them that observers their feelings, thoughts, emotions, and sensations, will be undeveloped. Their emotional brain will be in control of them, and this means that their prefrontal cortex, the part of them that would allow them to observe their inner world, will be out of action.
A Gradual Process
Still, with the right training, there is no reason why someone can’t develop the ability to observe their inner world, which will stop them from being controlled by it. Mindfulness mediation is one way that this can take place.
Another thing that can stop someone from being able to experience self-control is if they are carrying trauma. Perhaps they have been through things as an adult that have overwhelmed their system, or it might be the result of what they experienced as a child; if so, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer.
If someone like this was to develop their ability to step back and to observe their inner world, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will accept everything that happens; what it can mean is that they will experience more inner peace and that they will no longer be affected by the same things. When they do get worked up, they can take the time to look into why this is.
And if they come to the conclusion that their initial response is rational, they will be able to take the time to think about what they can do to make a difference. Consequently, they are likely to use their energy far more constructively.